Introduction#
With my poor writing skills and shallow understanding of computers, I have written this article.
(The writing style is inspired by Mr. Hou Shida's "GEB")
Note: In this article, GOC represents the "Computer Deity," ACB represents the "Clumsy Beginner," and UIT represents the machine mentioned later in the text that can explain everything.
Main Text#
ACB: Long time no see, respected GOC.
GOC: No need to be so formal. The weather is nice today. What brings you here this time?
ACB: You still love sunny days as always. This time, I came to ask about the barber paradox.
GOC: The barber paradox?
ACB: Yes, the barber paradox. It's about a barber who claims to only cut the hair of those who don't cut their own hair.
GOC: Ah, I know about that. But you know, you've asked a foolish question. It's often just a word game. Isn't it foolish to cut your own hair? Oh my, who would cut their own hair?
ACB: Then let me rephrase it using mathematical language.
GOC: Mathematics? Honestly, I'm not a big fan of mathematicians.
ACB: But we have to admit that they are indeed very clever.
GOC: That's true.
ACB: In mathematical language, it would be something like this: "S={x|x ∉ x}"
GOC: That does seem paradoxical, but those clever mathematicians have probably already solved this problem.
ACB: Indeed, but their solution seems not so "clever." They distinguish objects naturally, as if it were the most natural thing to do.
GOC: I suppose you're referring to Type Theory?
ACB: Yes, they separate everything, so that there won't be any absurdity like containing oneself. They introduced an axiom (regularity) that states "If A is a non-empty set, then A contains at least one element x, which is either not a set or is disjoint from A." (Note: This axiom is also known as the foundation axiom.)
GOC: They did a good job solving it, but I'm tired of these kinds of problems. It's like listening to a monk telling stories.
ACB: A monk telling stories?
GOC: Yes, haven't you heard the famous story?
Once upon a time, there was a mountain, and in the mountain, there was a temple, and in the temple, there was an old monk who told stories to a young monk.
Once upon a time, there was a mountain, and in the mountain, there was a temple, and in the temple, there was an old monk who told stories to a young monk.
Once upon a time, there was a mountain, and in the mountain, there was a temple, and in the temple, there was an old monk who told stories to a young monk.
.......
(After a few minutes)
ACB: Well, actually, I'm not very interested in the stories the monk tells.
GOC: I'm tired of them too. Why don't we go to my house and take a break? I also want to have some water. I happen to have an interesting new gadget that I received to show you.
ACB: An interesting new gadget?
GOC: Oh, don't mention it. The other day, I was cleaning my basement when I suddenly heard someone knocking on the door. I asked for a while, but no one answered. Later, when I opened the door, I found a big box sitting there with a note attached to it.
"This machine can explain everything."
-Anonymous
ACB: Can explain everything? That sounds strange. I've never heard of anyone developing such a machine.
GOC: But just like the packaging of instant noodles, I never believe anything written on the package.
ACB: I think you're right, but I'm also curious to see this magical thing.
GOC: We've arrived. I've placed the machine in the basement. It might surprise you.
ACB: I'm already amazed just by seeing this machine. How did you manage to move it to the basement?
(Gesturing towards the machine that almost fills the entire basement)
GOC: Oh, it was quite exhausting. But let's not talk about that now. Let's open this machine. (Presses the machine button, and the huge machine starts running with a loud roar)
GOC: Does this darn machine always make such a loud noise when it runs? I'm worried about the electricity bill now.
ACB: I think it's the sound of the fan. (A wave of heat hits both of them)
GOC: I feel like I don't need a heater in winter with this machine running, but the electricity bill... Oh well, now we can ask questions.
ACB: Can this thing really explain everything?
GOC: Maybe, you can try it yourself. I'll go have some tea first.
ACB: Alright, let me think. What exactly are you?
UIT: Hello, what is your question?
ACB: Well, let me think. What are you exactly?
UIT: As you can see, I am UIT. I can explain everything.
ACB: Although I don't think that counts as an answer... Can you explain Gödel's incompleteness theorems to me?
UIT: No problem. (It provides a complete answer)
(After about an hour, GOC returns to the basement)
GOC: Are you still playing with this machine? I think I should turn it off. I don't want to receive an electricity bill reminder tomorrow morning.
ACB: Almost done. This machine seems to know a lot. It really seems like what the person who sent it wrote.
ACB: I'll ask it one more question. You seem to be smarter than most people, but I'm curious, how do you explain how you explain everything?
GOC: To be honest, I think you've asked another foolish question.
UIT: ...
UIT: ...
UIT: ...
ACB: Is the machine broken? Why did it suddenly stop responding?
(A sound of a switch, the basement light goes out, and the machine stops)
GOC: What's going on? It seems like a power outage. Let me check the circuit breaker in the basement. (Takes out a flashlight like magic)
GOC: Let me see. The circuit breaker tripped. Honestly, my friend, I think you've been asking some foolish questions today.
ACB: That's true, I'm sorry. Can I help with anything?
GOC: I think pushing the circuit breaker back should do it. (Pushes the circuit breaker)
(The basement light comes back on)
GOC: Let me take a look at this machine. (Presses the machine button again)
(After two minutes, there is no response)
ACB: I'm sorry, it seems like I broke this machine.
GOC: I hate to say it, but you can't keep asking these foolish questions, even though you're a beginner. Now it seems like I have to fix this machine. I just realized there's no warranty card in this box.
ACB: Is this a product without any guarantees?
GOC: You seem to be more astute. Based on what we see now, you're right.
ACB: Maybe I can help with something?
GOC: Maybe you can bring me dinner? This darn machine doesn't seem to be getting fixed anytime soon. There's a Sichuan restaurant about two kilometers away. Maybe you can bring back some non-spicy Sichuan dishes for me.
ACB: Non-spicy Sichuan dishes?
GOC: Yes, that's their specialty, non-spicy Sichuan dishes.
ACB: Alright, that's really strange. I'm sorry for causing you trouble. I'll go and come back quickly.
(ACB feels uncomfortable in the basement and quickly leaves)